dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
