the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
