cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
