wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
