The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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