so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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