I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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