i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
