Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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