He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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