ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
