My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
