I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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