The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
