I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
