You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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