And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
