Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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