I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
