Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
