Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
