I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
