i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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