After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
