Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
