Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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