i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
