I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
