Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
