my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
