where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
