Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
