You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
