Do you still have your period?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
