I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
