I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
