When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How does it feel to date your dad?
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