the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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