Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
