Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
