Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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