So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
