Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
