We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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