yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
