Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
