I think I died a long time ago.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
