I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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