I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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