So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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